Live action porn.

Hellacopters played tonight at Bowery Ballroom. I just wanted to point that out. Because I didn't see them. I instead went to see some friends play at various places throughout the city. One of these places was a cute little tiki-type place, the kind that inspires thoughts of a redesigned apartment (cover walls in bamboo, hang tiki lights everywhere, have parties).

I'm at this place, which is very non-freaky. And yet, one of the weirdest, freakiest things I've ever experienced in my entire life happened at this very place. Tonight.

It all started innocently enough. I had to go to the ladies' room. And do what ladies do. So I opened the door.

The first thing I noticed was the heaviness of the air. The weight of fresh pot smoke. Everywhere. It billowed out of the room when I pulled on the door to let myself in.

The next thing I notice is a women on her knees. She is kneeling squarely in front of another woman, who is standing, and has her mouth on the standing woman's crotch.

Yes. You heard me.

Hello, are you there, Awkward? It's me, Lysa.

"Hey, what's up?" Says the girl getting the Mouth. She says it like she's sitting on a sofa and has been lounging all day long. Slightly tired. Obviously wasted.

"OH! Hi!" Awkward, stammering, and more awkward. "Wow, looks like someone's having fun around here," I say. I'm trying extremely hard to act like I see this all the time and it's no big deal. I attempt to slide past them to get to a stall. You know, because I had to use the ladies' room.

"Where you going?" says the Mouth. "Don't you like to watch?"

I'm thinking of a million witty things to say, among them: No, I gave up pussy for lent.

Funny, wasn't that actually a joke I made a couple of entries ago? That I'm giving up the chicks? This is just too damn funny. And weird.

I need some damn sleep. And no, I didn't take them up on the offer.