Snap, crackle, pop.

I read an article yesterday detailing the growing concern of the supposed sudden virulence of alligator attacks. A whole bunch of people were apparently attacked this weekend (viciously--but is there any other way, really?), and a couple of them actually died. I'm talking like they had to ID these people in phases. Yes, that's Beatrice's arm. Ok yes, that's her face. Oh and yep. Those would be her glasses.

First of all, I just want to point out the obvious to anyone else who has been watching Invasion. (I don't get it, Love Monkey gets cancelled and this piece of crap gets a marathon weekend.) Obviously, the alligators have formed some kind of precalculated retaliatory (is that a real word? Or a Jade word?) alliance against the growing threat of human-extraterrestrial hybrids. I'm just sayin'.

Secondly: if you are dumb enough to try to pet an alligator, you should die. Seriously. Please excuse yourself from the gene pool as soon as you possibly can.

And lastly, whose bright idea was it to put alligators on the endangered species list anyhow? I know they're fine now, but I can't honestly look at them and then us and decide that we all belong on this planet together. I mean look at them for cryin' out loud. They're dinosaurs. Maybe? Ahhh. I just want some nice shoes and a purse. Can someone make this happen??

PEOPLE: STAY AWAY FROM ALLIGATORS. Ok?? The less contact you have with these future cute little Jimmy Choos, the less I have to read about it. And the less I have to read about it, the more I can read about things that actually matter: like the fact that W. wants my phone bill. I suppose Bin Laden is working at the Chinese/Japanese fusion take-out place now? The one I call a few times per week? This is seriously creeping me out. I remember Jello Biafra whining about having our civil liberties slowly stripped away, and we wouldn't even notice, until one day, we'd wake up with a gat in our face and cuffs on our wrists. Because we said something as a joke, on the phone, in private, to one of our friends. Funny.

Speaking of that Asian fusion place, I just got a check in. I was so excited that I paid all my bills, baked a cake and put a bunch of shit I don't need (like this gem to the left) on my wishlist. Oh and I rented a movie. Nothing says "celebration" like a night in, alone, watching a sucky romantic comedy. Family Stone + Luke Wilson here I come!